The 5 Love Languages quiz by Gary Chapman is one of the most sought-after tools that help couples see the kind of love they want to give and receive. The five love language is split into words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch.
Sometimes, people may wonder why they don’t feel like they are loved. More often than not, it’s because their partners are showing them their own love language, instead of the love language of the receiving party.
Our love language
I have Acts of Service as my love language, which means, I appreciate my partner showing me they love me and care about me through his actions. Dane on the other hand is Words of Affirmation. Appreciating and loving him through verbal or written words makes him feel loved.
Dane is consistent with showing Acts of Service as a love language more often. Even prior to us dating, he would often do things for me—like finishing quests for my characters way back when we met in Ragnarok Online.
When we started dating several years after, he would willingly take me back to Binondo from my office in Makati, despite him living just in Taguig. I would often tell him not to because it’s impractical, but he almost always insists. I remember my brother even telling me to just let him because that’s how he shows he cares.
I wasn’t used to being taken care of, so it was a new experience. And through the years in our relationship, there has been a lot more of the same act from him. Like taking (forcing, sometimes, actually) my bag so I don’t have to carry it, opening doors for me, and taking me home no matter how near we are to his place.
On the other hand, I try my best to tell him how grateful I am for what he does, affirming his actions, and expressing how proud I am of him. I typically do this through everyday conversations in chat, whenever we’re on a call, and even through handwritten letters that I secretly put inside his wallet or bag. What I learned, later on, is that he still has all of the notes I’ve given him as a keepsake including the very first note that said “I love you” that I snuck into his wallet during our first few months in the relationship.
What love means to different people
At the end of the day, regardless of what love language each of us speaks, love may mean different from one another.
To me, love is letting myself be vulnerable. To show the sensitive, weaker side of myself without fear of judgment. And in the middle of it, is still finding comfort no matter how uncomfortable, scary, or unpredictable a situation or circumstance is.
Love also means being able to grow together because things won’t always be rainbows and butterflies. Disagreements and even simply different perspectives may be a challenge, but it’s sure to give learning opportunities for two people to grow.
Love is sacrifice. When you’re able to do things in the relationship without expectations.
Love is having a sense of security. Having a companion, a friend, a lover, a sounding board, a cheerleader. Someone to be your comfort. Your home.
To Dane, love is both ugly and beautiful yet it provides incredible memories. Celebrating each experience and enjoying the small details that make each story even more memorable. Whether it’s good or bad, shared memories, when with who you love are remembrances that are always worth cherishing.
I always say that loving and being loved is the best feeling. And being in the right relationship means that giving and receiving love—regardless of the love language—is easy.
Love can mean different things to different people.
But love can also mean a lot of things to many others.
Dane and I’s relationship isn’t perfect. But celebrating a 4-year mark is a milestone that many aren’t privileged to experience. We’re both at a place where we aren’t in a co-dependent relationship, but having someone be there for you in good and bad times makes being in a relationship one of the best feelings in the world.
But knowing each other’s love language or defining and understanding what love means to two people is just a small facet of a happy relationship. Communication is still key to having an easy and healthy relationship, no matter what love means to either of you.